I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
