First date: that requires underwear, huh?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
