Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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