Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
