I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's rum buckets o'clock
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
