what day is it and did you see me today?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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