We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
