I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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