Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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