That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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