She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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