So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
