Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
