instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
