I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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