yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
