Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
