thus making me awesome and them whores
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
