how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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