Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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