the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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