he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
