South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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