He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.