Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.