I wish I could teleport
I need help removing her.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?