If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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