If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen