Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?