I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
