Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
