i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
