piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
