Is it normal to miss your booty call?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
