I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
