I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
