i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When are your genitals available?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
