this beer tastes like vomit already
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
