That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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