He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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