When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think my moral compass just broke
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
