I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
