my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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