1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
