i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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