my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
