At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
