god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
