If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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