Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
