thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
