Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
