this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
