Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
