omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
