were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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