I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
