New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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