I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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