On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Semen is not good for contacts.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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