The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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