Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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