i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
