just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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