She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
