your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize