just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
