I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
