we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
