Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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