I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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