Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
