What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
