she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
